As I write these words I’m in a holding pattern. I woke up showing several symptoms matching the CDC’s warnings to watch for a COVID-19 infection. Since I have an underlying auto-immune disease and accompanying asthma, I called my local doctor first thing.
Today’s doctor’s appointment was fairly ordinary. I signed in and waited for my name to be called. The nurse checked me in by recording my blood pressure, temperature, and weight. Although, the typically full waiting room and office filled with smiling aides were exchanged for a ghost-town-entryway and co-workers graced with masks on their faces. The doctor, who entered the exam room with her own mouth and nose protected, also bore proof that maybe this wasn’t really an ordinary appointment after all.
After the exam, a few swabs, and a negative rapid strep test, I was told it could be a sinus infection with aggravated asthma or possible COVID-19. Tests were ordered. I was sent off with instructions to fill my meds drive-thru style, go home, and wait.
By the time this post goes live, I should know whether I am COVID-19 positive or not. Meanwhile, masks must be worn if we leave the house. Visits with family—especially with those who are older—should be avoided. We are to act as if our entire family is infected.
And so, we wait.
When Our Faith is Proved
It is in these waiting times of life—where the “what-ifs” are palpable, while unknown test results linger—that our resolve is tested. These are the moments when our faith is proved.
Do I really believe what I proclaim?
That God sees these moments.
That God knows my future.
That God is my protecting shield and anything He has allowed, anything He is allowing, and anything He ever will allow in my life is no accident.
And that no matter what, God is good.
This is what I say I believe. It’s what I’ve been teaching live on Facebook all week as I’ve prepared for my book launch. (Oh, yeah. I forget to tell you. Today—the day I write these words—the day I found out I might just have the novel virus—is the day [my book with the word happy in the title] was released.) It’s the message I’ve studied and written and prayed about for over two years. It’s the teaching of how God has created us to flourish regardless of our circumstances. It’s the truth about how He has provided a way for every one of us to experience an abundant, happy life that can weather any storm.
Even through this COVID-19 storm.
In the waiting
So what am I doing? I’m resting. I’m enjoying my family. We’re watching Netflix and playing with the dog. We’re laughing and eating and sleeping and living. Just like we did yesterday. And I’m choosing not to allow a potential diagnosis with a potential outcome to steal my joy, rob my faith, or ruin my happiness.
Have I had some freak-out moments? Sure. I think we all have in the last few weeks. Because sometimes the “what-ifs” get the better of us. So much about this pandemic is out of our control.
But when our joy, faith, contentment, delight, and hope is based not on our circumstances but on who God is, that’s when happiness happens. Soul-level, unshakeable, Jesus-provided happiness. We can experience the full and thriving life He died to provide us. We can have the resilient, fruitful existence He’s prepared for you and me. We can grasp the hope and peace He gives us through His presence. As we cling to the character of God instead of wallowing in the “what-ifs,” our holding patterns can be a place of peace.
A prayer in the holding pattern
God, help us to keep our thoughts on who You are more than what might be. Help us to use our every breath to honor You. Help us to see every change as an opportunity to prove Your faithfulness. Help us to recognize the opportunities we have to declare that You are good. By Your grace, we will wait in this holding pattern with patience and peace, knowing that You see all and know all. Lord, we believe. Help our unbelief.